A Letter To the Future Me One Year After

25 March 2016

Dear Janine,

Hi! It’s 25 March 2016, almost three years after you and the love of your life became ‘on’, three months after your dad died from an accident, fourth month without a job, almost two years after graduation.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I lost my desire and passion with those years. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know.

I have too many rejected job applications. I now smoke. I drink liquor. Those things I promised you I’d never do, I’m addicted in doing those now.

I’m always absent-minded, always mad, always in a hurry. It’s 2016 and I suck at my life.

I now know Jesus but most of the time (like 10 out of 10 times) He doesn’t talk back. I’m depressed like I’ve always been.

I just like to say that it’s okay if, at 2017, you still love that person. I can’t force you to unlove that person. What is life without love? Even not reciprocated. I know you love that person. And it’s okay to cry if that person gets another lover,  married,  if that person falls in love with somebody you’ll never be. It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay if most of your life will fall apart. But it’s not okay if you lose the capacity to have hope in yourself.

I really hope you are living on your own now, and you’re working at an enterprise you enjoy working with.

But mostly, I really hope you will be happy.

Most of these days I want to die but I don’t kill myself because I respect the One who gave my life to me and because I’m hoping that one day, one morning when I wake up, I’ll be happy. The dawn is always ardent, isn’t it?

That’s all. Yep, that Janine. has a period in the end.

PS. I’m looking forward in spending a day with you in a far away land, without worries, without limits.

Love and hope,
Janine.

If you are only in front of me right now
I would be requesting you to hug me.
A minute will do
Just please envelop me in your arms
Maybe after that you can go back to her
And forget me such as that
But for now if you have a minute
Will you please, please hug me
Please do.

Aside

I know you have forgotten me a long time ago
And maybe I had been replaced
And maybe it doesn’t bother you
Not to see me anymore
But my love, to love you is eternal
And until my last breath,
I would still be remembering you and our days
Like the years did not passed us by.

Euphoria

Quote

When We’re Toge…

When We’re Together

Oh, how much I loved you

Such power infinite yet destroying

Burning in the depths of my body

Seeking shelter in you

But as the days go by I no longer remember

Those times we share

The way you kiss

The way you laugh

The way you hold my hand

I don’t know why I can no longer remember

How we spent the time

When we’re together.

Turn Me In

Life is so weird

It ruins you using a person

And completes you using another

 

 

 

 

————

‘What good is a heart when it shudders to speak…

I wanted to turn you on

My favorite song,

Wanted to be near you but,

Somebody owns you now…’ *

 

I don’t know if I am really sad or I am just light-headed I think I am sad. 

I don’t know if I really wanted to be with you or not.

I guess it isn’t the time yet

 

 

If there is one thing life taught me

That  I will cherish forever

Is that, time is ever powerful

If its shall happen, it shall come to pass.

That is my life battle-cry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*

Lyrics of 241 sung by Rivermaya